Do I have to get up?
Have you had that feeling? What is my purpose? Am I on the right track? I need something that makes me excited.
Honestly, this is something that comes up for me from time to time. I question my purpose. I wake up in the morning with that feeling of disappointment and thoughts of “Ugh, what is my purpose today?” Sometimes I get stuck in those feelings and thoughts that zap my energy because I know my broader purpose in life, but have trouble connecting that to day to day satisfaction and purpose.
My days seem like just a sum of my physical activities: caring for my children, working, cleaning my house, making meals…
Before you are tempted to judge me or shut my post because I am not depending on God as I should for my purpose or I must not love my children enough because I am not enjoying caring for them. Read on. These feelings are GOOD. Yep, you heard it here. My feelings of not wanting to get up in the morning are good.
These feelings don’t reflect a turning from my relationship with God or a lack of care for my kids. It is vital and good for me to pay attention to those feelings of not wanting to get up in the morning because it means something needs to change. In other words, periodically, I need to refresh, regroup, and revise my vision for the future.
When these feelings come up for me, it means there is a disconnect in some area of my life. It often means that my everyday activities aren’t connected to what I most value or that I have lost sight of why I am doing the activities I am.
Let me give you some examples of when this has happened in my life.
⇒A time when I was working in a job that had changed, so I did not have many work tasks and not a lot of direction for day to day.
⇒A time when I had a preschooler and a newborn. My routine and activities shifted and I was feeling lonely.
⇒A time when two of my daughters were in school full-time and I had a toddler at home. My scheduled slowed down.
None of these phases of life were negative in and of themselves, but one day while I was in the midst of these, I realized I dreaded getting up in the morning and lacked direction or purpose for each day.
So let me tell you more about one of these situations in my life. In the fall of 2009, I had a 3 year old and a newborn. I had recently stopped working, except for a cleaning job. I felt listless. It felt like my life was changing diapers, feeding my family, and trying to come up with creative ideas for what to do with my preschooler.
Don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying my two little girls so much. The problem wasn’t postpartum depression, but after thinking it through, I realized I was feeling lonely and a little isolated, a loss of vision for what it meant to be a stay-at-home mom, and a lack of meaningful purpose for my day-to-day activities.
I felt a little guilty and ashamed at these feelings, because it seemed like I am not supposed to feel unsatisfied as a Christian. But that’s not true or realistic. So I decided to give those feelings respect, and I went to work refreshing vision for myself and reconnecting with God’s desire for my day to day life. It wasn’t really a formal process, but I am the type of person that loves to improve life, come up with goals, and analyze where I am at. So that is exactly what I did. I took these three needs for social contact, vision of the importance of stay-at-home momness, and meaningful purpose.
I decided I needed to make some changes from day to day. I talked through my desires with my husband. I decided I needed more contact with other stay-at-home moms in my situation. So I joined a stay-at-home mom activity group and I started going to a local Bible study near my house with women of all ages. Then I spent some time thinking about what it meant to be a mom and the importance and the purpose of that day to day. I realized that I needed to communicate with God about what I was feeling and rely on Him to help me find purpose. I also realized that it helped for me to make a daily to do list to bring a focus to my day and help me accomplish what I wanted with my kids and home. I shared with my husband what my activities were like each day and what we were accomplishing. He listened patiently and I realized I needed the validation of being able to share the big and little, exciting and mundane activities of each day.
So what about you? Why are your days feeling stuck or stale? Pay those thoughts and feelings respect. They are a sign that something needs to change. For those of you that believe in God and His purpose for your life, having these feelings isn’t a sign that you aren’t loving Him enough. He desires for us to work for Him and live each day with our whole heart. Step back and see where the disconnect is.
So take a look at the why and how to move forward. This is an important time to work with a life coach to refresh your vision or to coach yourself and make needed changes. Below I have listed some questions to think through, journal about, talk through, or share the answers with someone else. Then when you are done thinking these through share what you are going through with someone and ask them to hold you accountable for making the changes that you need to.